Sunday, January 3, 2010
Looking back at 2009, it was a year of many bittersweet memories.
As I was watching the fireworks as the clock struck 12am 01/01/10, each firework flashed back some memories of the year 2009, some of which I was very fond of; others I dread to even think.
2009 had been a year of many ups and downs, some lessons taught me important life lessons, other were life experiences which I didn't want to go through. It had been a tough year I must say, with smiles and much tears; joy and much pain.
I was praying as I quietly watched the fireworks at the back, where Tricia watched it so excitedly with Jiawen a few steps in front of me. As I leaned back to the railings behind me, these thoughts came to my mind -- which I guess were the highlights of 2009 in my life.
1. Orientation 2009; Knowing Douglas, Aaron and later in the year Hui Neng
2. Selection Camp; LTC; eventually becoming the President of S.C, & camps, outings,
3. Getting into a somewhat relationship with Samantha; resulting in some unhappiness with the soccer guys, etc..
4. Councillors leaving the Council; which made me doubt my leadership
5. Making and somewhat losing Jocelyn as a wonderful friend; don't know if that's the word.
6. Met Tricia and started to know each other better!
7. Knowing that I'm gonna retain
8. Myself leaving council, moving away from everyone, started to step back to let Kevin take over slowly..
9. The I-looked-not-sad-but-I-was-in-deep-deep-pain passover..
10. Lost Aaron as a friend,
11. Getting together with Tricia! (:
As the 11 fireworks went by, I was telling God,
"God I don't know which one I really wanna thank you for, some of them I really hate it so much and I can't say with all my heart that I want to thank you because I can't, but show me something to thank you for in 2009."
Just then Tricia came down and said, "Okay! I've come to accompany you! :D "
& we watched the fireworks together like how the couples there were watching.
I thanked God silently for her, that she was there all the while in the lowest of my life, that she didn't mind even though I lost everything because of an examination.
I felt excited, a feeling which I haven't felt for a very long time. I was excited for 2010, and I am anticipating it, because I knew that I'll be spending this year with God after having come back to him, and with that special girl who was in my arms.
TRICIA WONG! I want you to know that I really thank you for everything; for not giving up on me when I already gave up on myself then. Thanks for talking to me when you already knew that I'm a retainee. Thanks for not shunning away like others when you knew that I'm not going up to J2.
Though you say that I always put up with your nonsense, thanks for putting up with mine too, and for forgiving my insensitivities and immaturity at times. Thanks for your constant encouragements and for your hugs when you know that I'm feeling sad or not well. Thanks for always trying to cheer me up when I think of council. Thanks for making time for me, be it to talk on the phone or to text me.
Thanks for putting up with such a BORING boyfriend. hahaha.
& thanks for going through the dark times with me even though you feel zzzz at times too! hahaha.
But above all, thanks for the fact that you are my girlfriend. <3
I look forward to spending every minute of 2010 and subsequent years with you.
Once again, thanks for everything. (':
I LOVE YOU, TRICIA!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
What's my purpose, God?
Why give and take?
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I feel that I've grown. Labels: Annointed and Empowered
Because of the things that happened to me, and the experiences and opportunities that I was given, I feel that I've grown more mature and can see things in a deeper and wider perspective.
Went to church today, and was really influenced. God reminded me of the things that He has blessed me with. & I can really feel that my area of influence is really expanding, and things that I say which I feel may be nonsensical actually impact lives. Praise God for that!
When I piece all that the traits that God has blessed me with, its all the more evident that I should respond to the full time call. Not that I feel inadequate, but I'm afraid that because of this circle of influence, I will bring many down if I happen to stumble. But I'm willing to give it a try, just for my best friend and lover. (:
I made another pact with God today, on top of the no-girl-till-21. (:
God, if you really answer, I will go for it.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Many a time..
you ask yourself whether you are doing enough,
you spend hours fighting for the rights for your people,
you try to defend your people against superiors even when you know they were in the wrong,
you have sleepless nights thinking how to better make a situation,
you struggle due to your family and church commitments,
you struggle to be a good son, a good student, a good role model,
you try your best to understand your people,
you are questioned by superiors on your people's capabilities,
you struggle to make a good decision, afraid that it may be too harsh and hard on your people,
your people don't know how much you really love them,
you feel lonely,
your people don't understand the rationale behind your decisions and jump into conclusions,
you ask yourself who are your true friends who will go through thick and thin with you,
you are not close to your classmates because of your duties,
your people misunderstand you,
your people fail to see that you really want the best for them,
you sacrifice,
you pray for the same thing over and over again,
you really want some words of encouragement,
you cry late at nights,
you are really tired of many things,
but you always ask, if you were adequate and up to it.
Maybe that's the price to pay to be a president, not to mention a good one.
Lord, please guide me.
Friday, June 5, 2009
It's been sometime since I've blogged. This few weeks had been tough, because of my tight schedules and many other issues. It had also been a period of time that I wrestled with the Lord as there were some things which I didn't understand why God allowed to happen.
But as I sat down today and looked back at the things that God had helped me with this period of time even though I ran away from Him time and time again, and felt bitter towards Him, I can't help but be so thankful.
I thought of the bad times that happened, and the song "through it all" started playing.
"You are forever in my life, You see me through the seasons,
cover me with Your hands, and lead me in Your righteousness."
This was the verse that I clung on tightly when I felt badly affected by the many things that happened, and I felt so apologetic towards God, I knew that God had been tearing also with the things that I've done wrong, and I've let him down time and time again.
& God showed me splendour of being the President of Council, and the great support I've garnered in such a short span of time. I can't help but tear at this very moment.
And the song continues,
"I'll sing to you Lord, a hymn of love,
for Your faithfullness to me,
I'm carried in everlasting arms,
You never let me go, through it all"
& indeed, God has never let me go, through it all.
God reminded me of the many great things that He had done in my life and that He knows what I've been through and what I'm going through, that He will forever be in my life and will see my through the seasons. I serve a great God, and I know that I will be carried in everlasting arms forever. (':
Monday, May 4, 2009
Lord, bring me out of this. I'm in pain.
Friday, April 24, 2009
"If you forget the purpose God has for you, He will remove something from your life to make sure you go back to find that purpose."
These were the words that the pastor said when he preached in the service on Wednesday. And I knew it immediately that someone important to me would be removed, as I have lost focus on the purpose He has for me.
And I was right. Something drastic really happened and that important someone was removed in that sense. And this actually left me pondering. Probably I've really lost focus and I really didn't know that God had to do such a thing. Nevertheless, I know that God's plans are to prosper me and not to harm me. I will seek to bring Him glory, honour, to magnify His name and to give my life completely to Him.
Ken will come back stronger.
